A Link to the Past and Future

On Fulfilling a Promise

2011-09-20T12:16:00.004-04:00

Oaths are butwords, and words but wind. - Samuel Butler

Rather than promise to keep this blog of mine updated on a regularbasis, let me pledge to make an effort. Let’s not play this game anymore, shallwe?

There is an enormous amount of change in my life to sharesince my last update…let’s see…in February of 2010…

Among the most significant items, I have since left myposition at the Brashear Association in order to focus entirely on my Mastersof Social Work degree. That last semester was completely jam-packed (eighteenhours) but I made it. I graduated in December of 2010 and interviewed for aposition at an agency called TheStern Center for Developmental and Behavioral Health where I provideBehavioral Health Rehabilitation Services. This is just a fancy term forin-home child-centered therapy and behavioral observation.

Although I eventually advocated for responsibility for up toeight clients with a variety of diagnoses (including Bi-Polar Disorder,Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), I am currentlydown to a single client. My experience here has been highly educational.Despite some structural changes in supervision and expectations, I’ve gotten tolearn a tremendous amount on the job about my competencies, my needs from aposition, and my vulnerabilities. I also, unfortunately, reported child abusefor one client for the first time.

Additionally, I interviewed for and was hired at Wesley Spectrum Services working as atherapist in the Family-Based Mental Health program. This is similarly a mobiletherapy service that works with families in the midst of crisis who maypotentially be involved with Children, Youth and Families or juvenile justiceprograms. Although it has its deficits (twenty-four hour availability via acrisis phone!), I’m immensely enjoying learning about the Structural FamilyTherapy modality and integrating many of the techniques and experimentationsI already know and love with new ones. I also have a truly fantastic partnernamed Lori who is immensely talented and a wonderful support.

In addition to these jobs, I’m still learning andgrowing at the Women’sCenter and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh’s MEN/S Group. This job continuesto be the love of my professional life especially since I am co-facilitating agroup without my mentor! Initially it was quite a humbling experience tointegrate my approach to my partner’s but we’ve since developed a wonderful andtrusting rapport with one another.

Somehow, despite all this, my relationship with Chavonnecontinues to be a source of strength. We, in fact, managed to take a vacationto Baltimore earlier this month for the first time in three years! We swam inChesapeake Bay, ate delicious vegansoul food (oh, I’m also a vegan now), saw magnificent sea life at the National Aquarium….and whiled away a day on awful, awfultelevision.

As I mentioned, we made the decision to go vegan recentlyand I couldn’t be more pleased. In tandem with this, I also saw a wonderfulnaturopath who provided me important insight into my health. As a result, Ifeel healthier and more vital than I ever have.

In this spirit of self-improvement, I’ve begun seeing atruly brilliant private therapist who, once again, is helping me to restructuremy own life in the way I want. She’s already helped challenge my way of beingwith respect to connecting more to others (perhaps prompting this blog, nowthat I think about it).

I’m also beginning a Japanese language class this evening!Please anticipate future blog entries (if any!) to be seasoned with obnoxioushalf-language.

Our dogs continue to be fat and happy in their fifth year oflife. Matlock, as I type, is raising the alarm through the neighborhood for nodamn good reason.

We also have two lovely rescue cats! Jadis and Lilika (from The Chronicles of Narniaand Rogue Galaxy,respectively) are wonderfully sweet, rambunctious, corpulent additions to ourhome.

There’s a lot more to say but for now, just know I’m betteroff now than even a year ago. I’m happier; I’m richer in friends and spirit; I’ma more capable clinician than I was before; I don’t have to try as hard; I’mcontent and I’m still growing.

On the Triumphant Return of Routine

2010-02-18T12:14:00.003-05:00

Since I last wrote, very little of consequence has happened in the Wright household. I (begrudgingly) returned to work after a week of rest and my quest to liberate the Agol star system. My work at the agency has begun to stir back to life after a brief winter's hibernation. Although it's a positively balmy thirty-one degrees as I write this and I'm literally wearing a short-sleeve polo shirt due to the broiler of an office that I work in, it's still far too cold to be without heat and many clients are beginning to call to seek assistance for their energy bills; I anticipate some back-to-back meetings in the near future.

My evenings have been spent learning more and more about the lives of clients, asinine public policies, and how to inspire and interact with others through classes. Yesterday evening I presented to my classroom a literature review of William Julius Wilson's The Truly Disadvantaged and how its (outdated and repudiated) views differ vastly from a social work perspective. It was an interesting moment because that particular book really inspired me to want to understand inner-city life and modern African-American life and set me on the path I walk today; at the same time, I understand now I hoped to understand these endlessly complex issues in the same way one might understand a mathematical formula and from that point simply know it. Of course social work doesn't allow for a one size fits all approach, so the process of learning is never ending; at least I have the common sense to know that now.

I've begun to read "Why Does He Do That," as part of my responsibilities surrounding my internship. The author, Lundy Bancroft, seems to deeply understand the common threads running between abusers who are found in every class and color strata. He hones in on the idea of selfishness, which prompts abusers to center themselves even in the thoughts of others. As I've begun this internship and studied the behaviors and cognitions of the men in the groups, I've searched for and found many points of divergence; however, I understand that I also have a tendency to be self-centered and to put my needs first and it's scary to wonder how little space might exist between the chairs we sit in.

I've left the sterile domed farms of Agol for the salty mist of the open sea. I've only just dusted off my nearly-orphaned DS to begin "Phantom Hourglass," but I'm both halfway through and having an absolute blast recovering the incognito princess. In fact, even though I find the game derivative and mourn the relative lack of new music or weapons, I absolutely love this charming swashbuckling yarn, saying all you really need to know about the Zelda series. I'll be sure to report back on my progress as warranted.

Speaking of the open sea, Chavonne and I are scraping ourselves from the icy climes of Pittsburgh and vacationing in Baltimore in early May! Given our heritage in the dusty and scorched plains, we know nothing of the harbor and its ways and if anyone can recommend some things to do (outside of Obrycki's Crab House and the National Aquarium but probably not in that order; thanks Man V. Food!) we'd be glad to hear them.

Stay warm and stay in love people.

On a Gift from the Sky

2010-02-14T13:05:00.002-05:00

When I last wrote, I didn't anticipate how vastly my physical environment would change nor the impact this would have on my time. A well documented and furious storm hit the mid-Atlantic region last week forcing individuals to strand their cars, abandon their homes, and leaving thousands without power. At the Wright household, snow is a foot high even today and there's little indication of it thawing anytime soon.

As a result of this, however, the agency CANCELED WORK for the duration of the week owing to the difficulty of ascending the hills of south Pittsburgh to physically reach our offices so needless to say, this has been the finest week of my career thus far. I bided my time cleaning and maintaining the house for Chavonne (who sadly did not receive the gift I did) and gaming endlessly. I explored the austere planet of Algo and learned the shocking secret behind the Mother Brain. It's been absolutely wonderful to be home with my snoozing pups and this break was just what I needed.

Although it's cold and miserable outside, things are once again looking bright for the Wrights.

On Shifting Paradigms

2010-02-04T10:24:00.004-05:00

First, I believe I owe the greater Internet an apology for not updating on a regular or even semi-regular basis. Unfortunately, I can't even justifiably point to the demons of employment or homework as the culprit as it was a general sense of fatigue and inertia that was responsible.

As is quickly becoming a trend, work at the agency has been absurdly and guiltily slow. Since the 21st of January, half a lifetime ago it seems, I've seen only three clients in the form of appointments and haven't really innovated any of the intakes or recording processes that I'm waist deep in on a daily basis. Other than physically transforming the office in Allentown to accommodate our newest co-locators NeighborWorks of Western Pennsylvania and the Hilltop Alliance, there has been next to nothing to do each day. Fortunately, this trend has allowed me to focus on learning about social work more thoroughly.

My evening classes, although hamstrung by the inherent fact that they take place after an eight-hour day, have been frighteningly enjoyable. I've learned far more than I thought I would ever care to about brain structures, childhood development and trauma, and the DSM-IV of all things. I, who enjoy science to the approximate extent that I enjoy exercise, have truly learned a great deal about holistic assessments of physical and mental health and the subtle signs beneath the surface of one's behavior and language. It's intoxicating, to be honest, to have one's eyes opened to a new level of interaction and to have developed some new insight into the world, if only fumblingly and partially.

I also started the MEN/S (Men Embracing Non-Violence and Safety) Group through the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh as part of my internship. I'm working with a no-nonsense (to put it mildly) advocate who challenges and elicits responses from clients in a way that I've never seen. The men in the groups are largely court-mandated as a result of past violence and there are two Monday evening groups that take place as a forum for the clients to discuss their mistakes and, hopefully, change their behavior. I was surprised how little I was intimidated by the men in the group, and how eloquent and self-aware most of them seemed to be, with the exception of one absolute martyr. I'm excited to challenge myself and my misconceptions further and to simply do good work.

Chavonne and I are continuing to grow closer in our relationship. We've begun to wake up with one another again as I am now to arrive at the agency at eight in the morning to accommodate the half-day I take on Mondays for my internship. As a result, we've gotten to build one another up before we begin the day and to simply have that much more time together as a result, which is great. Our weekends continue to be spent in stasis as the bizarre hours, demanding work schedules, and insane internships dish out brutal punishment during the week. For now, though, simply reclining by my honey is enough.

On Shifting Expectations

2010-01-21T11:47:00.002-05:00

While I still haven't borne the full brunt of what will soon constitute an "average" week consisting of forty hours of work; five hours of school; sixteen hours of internship; and presumably sleep somewhere in between, my emotional and mental thresholds have been apprised of these possibilities. This week, school definitely came prepared to make demands on my time while work at the agency, surprisingly, dropped the ball in this regard.

Over the past week, I only managed to complete a single Dollar Energy appointment and the pantry generated an incredibly modest nineteen families and forty-seven individuals. Other than completing annual paperwork for each family, my work week at the agency was gratefully slow.

The School of Social Work, apparently recipients of the memo that my time was available, piled on scores of pages of readings, which although sometimes tedious and more often than not bled into a mire of resilience literature too dark to discern, was genuinely intriguing and interesting. My Children and Families at Risk course leverages the experiential knowledge of the students and professors as well as the sometimes haunting trauma of the children featured in the text to discuss the perilous Jenga tower that is the well-developed and emotionally healthy child. Not only am I enjoying the course on its own terms, it's already beginning to inform my interactions with clients and staff, an evolution that has left me incredulous.

My travails through the Grand Kingdom have been fruitful and empowering. I've managed to devote a respectable thirty hours to teaching my shadows to endure fatal strikes, loot their foes, and restore their health through motion. Along the way, I've fought dozens of bizarrely shaped and overtly-aggressive mistakes of nature, including the poo snake. Although I've yet to discover how to balance my time between my real-world commitments to education, hygiene, and relationships, I cannot wait to return to the (level) grind.

Chavonne and I have been working to keep ourselves and one another sane in the face of our constant separation due to internships and school commitments. Because we've had so little time to interact with one another, we take extra care to ensure that that time spent is positive and uplifting. We talk more deeply and thoroughly than at any time in our relationship, I believe. We genuinely enjoy one another as people rather than as simply partners and it makes a profound difference in the breadth and depth of our love. I'm grateful for our friendship because we're both able to step out of our roles as partners and offer advice and council as needed, which has become crucial as the stress of our current hectic lifestyle sometimes overcomes us. Chavonne is really my best friend and it's just another way I'm probably the luckiest guy you'll meet.

On the Looming Shadow of the New Year and Life in the Umbra

2010-01-15T12:44:00.003-05:00

2009, if you've paid any attention to my blog or my that of my babewife, was not exactly a banner year for the Wright household. However, one curiosity of a calendar year is that two of the most celebratory times, Christmas and New Year's, stand as islands of light and levity in an ocean of swirling, snowy darkness.

Our Christmas, spent alone with the pups, was thrilling, to be frank. Chavonne asked me to seclude myself in our second-floor bathroom while she established a complex scavenger hunt for me to complete in order to find my presents. She listed a subtle hint as to where to look and then a quote relevant to the gift; Chavonne is notoriously poor at dropping hints, so this provided a great challenge and was a whole lot of fun. Far and away my most exciting gift is a Black and Decker paper shredder, providing for me the gift of identity security and privacy.

For Chavonne, I bought a sewing table after significant consultation from my mother-in-law, as well as arranged a New Year's Day trip to the Inn on Negley to stay in the Macintosh Room. Knowing how emotionally and physically difficult 2009 was, this cozy and absolutely quaint hotel was just what we needed. We enjoyed our first English high tea (Captain Picard was really onto something!) and learned that scones are to die for. More significantly, we just talked to one another about our life, our goals, our dreams, and our fears. I'm so lucky to be married to someone I can learn something new about every day.

Since that highlight, Chavonne and I have returned to school and work without renewed purpose or, sadly, energy. Historically, the first three months of the year are the slowest at the agency as energy assistance calls and pantry utilization falls off significantly. I'm grateful for this because it allows me to at least initially focus on my academic responsibilities, which are multiple. This semester will be learning about Models of Intervention (which I'm anxious to really delve into), Children and Families at Risk (I'm keeping an open mind toward working with children), and beginning my second (and final) Concentration field placement at...the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh! I will be working in the MEN/s group, which I'm insanely excited to do. I'm hoping that I can really learn about domestic violence and do right by the group participants and myself. It should be a challenge, but (as of today, anyway) I'm up for it!

Sadly, things do not bode well for Mario and Luigi as I've completely cast aside my DS for console games once again. Chavonne and I spiked one another into pits, threw one another into molten lava, and otherwise displayed comedic ineptitude whilst playing New Super Mario Brothers Wii, which I recommend highly. Since our rescue mission has been completed successfully, I've sworn an unswerving vengeance upon the Land Shark that destroyed my home.

In all, 2010 looks from the outset not dissimilar from 2009. I'm warm, well-fed, deeply in love, and hard at work. Hopefully we'll take a few more steps forward this year as well.

On Describing the Water

2009-12-28T11:46:00.006-05:00

My experiences with the agency have been far more conflicted than normal. The week of November 16th, my coworker at the Employment Center began a week's vacation, necessitating that I assist every client through the door over this week. Although my calendar recalls that I completed a mere seven Dollar Energy applications as well as two new employment intakes, I reflect that week was marked by its indistinct rhythm. It was impossible to discern what kind of work day I would have nor complete any of my accustomed tasks without interruption.

The following week saw the agency's Thanksgiving distribution, which was surprisingly robust, as well as four Energy appointments and one employment intake. What is not reflected is the amount of behind-the-scenes work necessary to prepare for the distribution, which I am expected to contribute to (although in fairness, the reporting and paperwork does not fall on my shoulders). I remember the scores of phone calls I made to clients informing them of the date and time, for instance, and the headaches associated.

On the cusp of December, the agency staff met to discuss ways to reorganize our services to meet existing funding realities...or so I thought. In a field characterized by cautious and responsible husbandry of resources and time, the approach to our palette of services epitomizes restraint. I assumed this meeting would be an opportunity to voice concern, frustration, and vision for future agency work but in reality it was anything but. I found myself at a peak of frustration with my role in the agency as well as it's larger mission and this has characterized my work here since.

As December endures, I've been considering my level of effort with respect to my accomplishments as well as those of my clients. I have long prided myself on my professionalism and my insistence on giving 100% of myself and my commitment to my work, for the eight hours that it lasts, of course. As some of my clients have begun to make strides in their lives, I reflect on how relatively little I have done in regard to moving people forward. Of course, a fraction of this is the fact that social workers engage with people at the nadir of their lives and frustration and failure is to be expected. At the same time, it's impossible not to feel constrained in the role I have.

Over the past two weeks, I completed a single Dollar Energy appointment and found myself contributing more to pulling off the Holiday gift card and toy distribution. This entailed more phone calls, more reporting, and more physical packing of toys and a troubling trend that arose was that I enjoyed this work less than last year. This is particularly important because it is through this event where toys are given to low-income children that the most kudos and gratitude arise. I found myself rather indifferent to how the toys were received and more concerned with simply finishing the task at hand. It raises the lingering question if I've come to a crossroads in my early career of place or attitude.

On the Precious Commodity and the Transforming Landscape

2009-12-28T10:33:00.005-05:00

- I've very suddenly and abruptly begun to wage a personal war on television, websites, and other forms of "entertainment" which at heart, constitute enormous drains on time and mental energy. For a long time, "The Simpsons" were my favorite show; I thought its edgy social commentary and timeless characters represented the pinnacle of entertainment. When the show entered syndication, I would religiously situate myself before the television and hope for a repeat viewing of a past favorite episode. At one point, I could accurately recognize an episode after about two lines of dialogue from any scene in the show.

Over time, however, the jokes elicited fewer laughs; the tropes that provided characterization (such as it was, as it began to veer wildly to fit the "plot") for the cast became clearer and more frayed at the edges; and the absurdity of spending thirty minutes in order to hear a joke I've heard countless times before in the hopes that I still find it funny became obvious. Late this year, I resolved not to repeat any entertainment experience in the hopes of broadening my cultural horizons. And it worked...

...for a time. As Chavonne and I discovered hilarious and thrilling shows worth our time and attention ("Criminal Minds" at one point the beneficiary of this), we found ourselves more sensitive to the declining quality of television in general. As we refuse to pay for cable television that we're seldom home to enjoy and our options are limited, we began to say "meh" to the options presented to us. Anymore the only show we never miss is "Castle" and the television is rarely awakened from its slumber unless it's to play games. It's a very nice change and a chance to enjoy more fleeting moments from the curious faces the pups make to the ever-worse jokes Chavonne and I tell to one another. So far, it's been better than anything that's on.

- My one pastime in this world that's endured from childhood to the present is my love of video games. I've always appreciated the opportunity to consider mysterious worlds outside of the sometimes mundane one we inhabit; I always enjoy looking at the world maps in video games and wondering what kind of languages denizens speak or what flora or fauna are left undiscovered in the scope of the game. Games provide an imaginary escape, an opportunity to hear a story, and a sense of accomplishment.

When I was about nineteen, I began to really earnestly collect games that I had played and loved; games I knew had been reviewed highly, the pillars of their genre; and nearly anything in between. At one point, I owned slightly over 500 games which now seems absurd. About 40% of that collection saw a return to the second-hand store from whence they came for various reasons when Chavonne and I were younger, poorer, and more foolish about bills and for various emergency expenses. Over time, I've continued to acquire games with the full expectation and intention of playing them in the indeterminate future.

However, I've also begun to question what's the most responsible way to game. It sounds like a contradiction on its face to consider a sedentary, private, and expensive hobby responsible from any angle; however, games, specifically older generation games, are an endangered species. Of course, blockbusters from the bygone era are now available legally and commercially for owners of any of the three major consoles to consume; but there's something profoundly different about playing a gray and dusty cartridge with jumping and unpredictable pixels in standard definition. The context surrounding the acquisition of a game is sometimes even more important a memory as the game itself. I can remember passing up a trip to attend a family reunion in Cloud Croft, New Mexico and being rewarded for my decision by uncovering a copy of "Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars" for a mere six dollars.

However for many games, once I've completed them, they simply collect dust on the third floor of our home never to be touched again. In a slight fashion, I'm hoping to pass on some of the positive memories I have of finding a long-sought masterpiece to other by beginning to sell back these completed games. It's been surprisingly difficult to part with some ("Twisted Tales of Spike McFang" among them, which I again accidentally discovered one afternoon and let out an involuntary gasp which turned several heads).

I've found that gaming is as much community dissection of finished products as it is the actual content. The zeitgeist that seizes gamers, driving them to hype or deride unseen military simulations to entertainment milestones usually reserved for movie theatres, is itself the context in which games must be refracted and examined. The horizon of expectation burdens every new product, which the masses demand be faster, more efficient, more powerful, more aesthetically beautifully, and energy sensitive while simultaneously being cheaper. So instead of hoarding games in the expectation of spending ten hours a day gaming when I'm somehow wealthy enough to do so, I'm trying to buy far fewer games, sell what games I have beaten to feed back into the acquisition of more games, buy used games, and try to stay apace of the gaming masses.

Complicating this endeavor is the role of digital distribution. The convenience and impulse buying opportunities associated with digital content cannot be overstated and I can't recall the number of times I've purchased a game outside of my established genres or without regard to quality simply because it's possible to play without leaving my couch. At the same time, attempting to be a good steward of resources and ensure that other, younger gamers have the opportunity to share in these experiences is nigh impossible with digital distribution. I cannot trade in a completed game for credit towards another download and I cannot gift the download to another person. It's left my unwavering faith in the truth of a digital future shaken, even the core of the experience is the same.

In the meantime, of course, there are star coins to collect.

On Myriad and Random Thoughts

2009-12-28T09:50:00.004-05:00

It's been far too long since I've last blogged. However, by way as excuse, this last month has been the busiest of my professional life, as is standard with the agency. I'm going to do things slightly differently this week and convey some random thoughts I've had over the past six weeks and then in a separate post talk about the day-to-day life I've lead.

- I thought a great deal, as I often do, about just how lucky I have been to escape the gravity of my hometown Lubbock. Growing up, I always felt lonely, through a combination of a protective parent trying earnestly to prevent her young Black son from being in the wrong place at the wrong time and through my own conflicting views on what constitutes friendship. I have long been the type of person to have only a very few close friends and I was content to spend my time either gaming, reading, or just generally thinking. I would learn early that my ambition far exceeded my reach in this hamlet and that if I ever wanted to really reach my dreams, it would behoove me to relocate.

Ironically, the street names I would pass on my way to school in Lubbock referenced other schools and cities (Indiana, Utica, etc.) and provided an excuse to consider life in another zip code; this practice has since been changed to honor local heroes such as the Marsha Sharp Freeway. However, I'd wager that it is impossible not to consider how green the grass might be elsewhere in a city of 200,000+ built on the foundation of environmentally hostile cotton growing and with a Republican power base predicated on moral and historical authority.

This is not to criticize the many people whose paths I've crossed in my purgatory in Lubbock who still reside there. One lesson I've learned personally and professionally is that what is acceptable, normal, or sacred to one isn't necessarily for another. Many people I know have been content to establish families and careers in Lubbock and power to them. For me, though, I found Lubbock to be a place where dreams rot on the vine and I'm forever grateful for Pittsburgh for wresting me from its grasp and allowing me to live and die, soar and fall, on my own merits.

- In my personal and professional life, I've often served as a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, or an advocate for my friends and colleagues. It can absolutely be emotionally draining and difficult to be available for others when time and other commitments leaves no room for oneself. I've tried to maintain my sanity and happiness by doing three things daily: doing for my space, my significant other, and myself.

It's of course unrealistic to expect that these goals are met every day, even with the help of calendars, charming notes left on bulletin boards, or even the best of intentions; but every day when I come home, I try to find at least one chore to complete so that the house doesn't evolve into some sentient mass of food encrusted dishes and ultra white paint. The intensity of the chore, of course, changes with the type of day I've had at work; sometimes, I'm content to just do a load of laundry and leave it at that, and this past Sunday, I reorganized our entire linen closet into a shrine of folding styles.

Of course, my relationship with Chavonne sustains me beyond anything else and catching up with my best friend is something I look forward to. Sometimes, simply sitting down and engaging (or commiserating) about our work is enough for us and others, we enjoy a board game together or even some video games. However we make it happen, Chavonne and I always put one another first because we make one another live.

Ideally, I enjoy some down time for myself to collect my thoughts, push aside negativity, or put events in perspective. Nowadays, that happens most often in my car on the way home. I consider what I've said, or left unsaid, and I dread my work for the next day. Often, I call home to ingratiate myself into the perspective of someone else and then return to my life with fresh eyes. Although I'm not able to game as much as I like anymore (and I expect this trend will continue until graduation), rarely I'm able to fit in an hour or so of level grinding or some less intensive puzzling or the like. In social work, where you confront some of the most bleak and lightless situations, it's vital to have a sanctuary of heart and mind to turn to.

On Taking Control

2009-11-13T13:39:00.003-05:00

This was a fine week, a week for mustering up courage, rolling up sleeves, jumping headlong into the fray and problem solving. First thing Monday morning, I visited my beautiful Primary Care Provider (West Penn Family Family Practice in Squirrel Hill) and finally, finally received attentive and receptive care for my lifelong history of migraines.

Ever since I was eight, I remember experiencing headaches on a regular basis (I always questioned if they were a result of so many hours spent with a Nintendo console as company). Lately, the severity and the frequency have increased and cost me work time as well as, you know, health. The medication works like a dream and so long as I actually take it prior to a headache beginning its invasion of my brain, these migraines will be a thing of the past.

Work this week was not altogether unpleasant. I completed eight Dollar Energy applications and served a modest twenty-one families and sixty-three individuals at the food pantry. The most difficult aspects of work came not just from the supply-side but the demand, as well.

I learned that one of my oldest clients had been deceiving me about substance abuse and had to terminate our relationship. It was trying because this client had misled me in order to apply for external services, which in turn embarrassed (and infuriated) me professionally and personally when the truth came out. In my modest career as a case manager, this was the first instance where I had to actively turn a client away in such a confrontational manner, but I think I've already put it behind me and I'm proud of how I handled it.

I finally pulled the ear of my direct supervisor and relayed some concerns about life in the agency. Although the ratio of venting to constructive criticism that I offered is probably not a good one, I addressed some specific and holistic concerns about service delivery, staff development time, and the like. I realize more and more how much I actually care about and appreciate my job not just for the paycheck, but for the chance to do meaningful and real work in person building, it might be termed.

The opportunity exists at work to mail it in each and every day; I could arrive late, fail to report adequately or honestly, falsify documents, violate confidentiality or engage in many other deceptive, slipshod and rotten practices. And I don't. There is real power inherent in the service side of service delivery and what I learned about myself this week is that I deeply care about how to best shoulder the responsibility behind that power.

Cultural mores and the media stigmatize seeking help. It's an enormous thing to walk through the door of a community center because some aspect of one's life has spun so far out of control, it cannot be reclaimed on their own. Service delivery, then, has to be respectful of clients, efficient, effective, and professional. It's an easy thing to say of course, but a hard thing to do.

In the equally important private sphere, Chavonne and I enjoyed what little of each other's company there was to be had. We watched Coraline (trippy, weird, but enjoyable enough) and just generally tried to recharge over the quiet hours. Without a cooperative game to play, I ventured into the land of Ferelden and guided Darrian (the city-dwelling elf) on a mission to rescue his betrothed and eventually into the larger quest against the swarming Darkspawn. Dragon Age:Origins, so far anyway, enjoys substituting mechanics for decisions.

Battles against brigands and the orc-like Darkspawn alike are fairly aloof, in that you select a target and watch your hero hack away until one or both collapse. The equipment screens are a pain to navigate in that you can't quickly compare any two swords against one another to judge their effectiveness. While the crumbling ruins and creaking windmills are subtly dark, the faces of humans, elves, what-have-you, are just painful to behold.

And yet, in the sometimes-provocative dialogues is where the game truly shines. Like a "Choose your Own Adventure" title, there are vastly different paths to the same goal with enduring consequences. After tithing at a local church, I inadvertently threatened a priestess to free a prisoner, himself a mass murderer. My oldest traveling companion, a Templar, didn't take a shine to me afterwards and the pardoned is so far something of a jerk and not as grateful as one would expect. There's a whole lot more to see but so far, the best part of this game is the war hound companion, Columbo.

Please enjoy your weekend and do something memorable. Time is always short.

On Fatigue and its Cures

2009-11-08T20:09:00.003-05:00

Lost in the holistic view of the week that was are the small skirmishes at the border of sanity and productivity. Although I only saw four Dollar Energy clients, the pantry was significantly busier than usual, seeing thirty-eight families and 108 individuals served; this was a result of the fact that the agency's Holiday Assistance Program has begun to accept applications. Last year something in the range of 600 families were served and if this pace is any indication, it will be another big year.

However, as I review my work calendar, what I don't read were all the small difficulties that conspired to make this week an assault on the senses. Midway through the week, I lost the ability to actually send emails, which is, you know, fairly important. After effectively dissecting Eudora of its ability to communicate with the outside world and eventually installing Outlook, I realized that this week would soon be defined by its relative degrees of pain-in-the-assness.

I spent more time dragging computer processors into the 21st century than actually using them to research agencies or resources; I spent more time dialing and notating than actually providing insight; and I spent more time dragging a pen across an intake form than actually helping anyone. It's a troubling trend and one that I hope I can transform into useful, fulfilling, and productive time.

Midway through the week, I had an opportunity to earn my "Man Card" by helping Raji repair his car, whose electrical system failed immediately after work on Tuesday (necessitating I miss class). We made an admirable effort to install a new battery, but found his positive post battery cable unsafe and stubbornly immobile and surrendered. Raji eventually resolved this through the heroics of the AAA, who informed him that we were objectively in over our heads. Although it was a chilly and fruitless night, it was good to spend time flailing with Raji and it was a nice reminder that had the tables been turned, he'd have been right there for me too.

In the interest in protecting my mental health and because the reproductive labor in the Wright household had reached an intolerable level, I decided to take Friday off; I spent my early morning visiting the Pittsburgh Animal Hospital (highly recommended) and learning that both Kairi and Matlock are more porcine than canine at this point, but are otherwise happy. Chavonne and I had a wonderful weekend together finding the Holy Grail along with Professor Jones as well as having our beloved car Sophia inspected (prohibitively and astronomically expensive, I might add). We raked our yard and we cooked pizzas and gushed over couture dresses and generally enjoyed one another's company.

In a reverse from the normal trend, I enjoyed the time I spent at home despite my time at work. Ordinarily, at the end of the day, I'm tired but neither annoyed or disgusted. This week, however, my opportunities to escape served as my only tenuous links to calm. I hope, earnestly, that this changes and soon.

On Getting Away from It All

2009-10-30T10:21:00.003-04:00

Last weekend was an absolute blast from start to finish. We began Friday evening at Bites and Brews, located next door to The Elbow Room on Ellsworth in Shadyside. In celebration of Lara's birthday, we treated her to surprisingly excellent pizza and our sparkling company; we learned a great deal about one another and about ourselves from playing a game called "Deep Questions," which is exactly that.

Afterwards, we drove on down to Lawrenceville and bowled several games at Arsenal Lanes; we each won at least once and I bowled the best game of my entire life, an immodest 114. During this, we were regaled by karaoke singers, some tone-deaf, some talented, and one insistent. Lara dazzled the room with a pretty lovely Kathleen Turner-esque rendition of "I Feel the Earth Move" by Carole King. All in all, a pretty entertaining and very fun night.

The next day, Chavonne and I trekked out to Trax Farms and had a variety of experiences; we shared our first hayride, which was brisk and intimate. We also challenged and dramatically failed our first corn maze; Chavonne's posterior was a casualty of the slick mud from steady rain the day before. We also took part in a petting zoo where we met a goat, a llama, a pot-bellied pig, a chicken who looked remarkably like Kairi, and three rooting pigs. This was a fairly emotional moment as we saw exactly what the life was we were consuming daily on our plates; Chavonne and I have wrestled with becoming vegetarian and it's truly difficult to defend the practice when you look such beautiful children in the eye.

On the topic of food, we tried fried Oreos for the first time (not recommended for the faint of heart, or anyone), purchased some farm fresh produce and would eventually prepare a delicious chicken noodle soup with them. On the way back, we visited the finest Gamestop I've ever been in, nestled in the shell of a former Long John Silvers (!) with an enormous collection. I purchased Avalon Code, which I've had my eye on for some time, for a mere $19.99. We also visited a clothing store and got a gorgeous pink argyle for Chavonne, so everyone managed to win something over the weekend.

The work week wasn't especially taxing; the pantry saw twenty-four families and seventy-one individuals for the month, and I completed only four Dollar Energy applications. The real meat of the work came from preparation and execution of the BRAVO Luncheon. This year, we placed piggy banks before each guest (the well-heeled and otherwise) to solicit donations for the agency. Such networking is among my most despised aspects of this job, but I'm slowly understanding that although I'm most comfortable with my current grunt-level work, networking enables me to deliver more services for my clients in the long run. It was comforting to note how many more people I knew in the room compared to last year and all in all, it was a wonderful event that I'm immensely glad is finished for the year.

I've finally managed to free the brothers Mario from the stomach and sinus of Bowser and Bowser's Inside Story has as a result become instantly more compelling. The landscape of the Mushroom Kingdom is positively littered with buried beans, tantalizing the player with promises of magically and improbably enhanced agility and power. I'm looking forward to liberating these from their loamy prisons and progressing further in the quest for redemption.

Finally, in the spirit of the season, Chavonne and I carved an absolutely jocular gentleman pumpkin named Lorenzo yesterday evening. Chavonne has never in her lifetime handed out Halloween candy, let alone trick-or-treated herself, and this is a way for us to slowly ramp up our involvement with this bizarre holiday. Lorenzo, with his snotty nose, keeps a buoyant vigil over our home day and night, welcoming potential X-Men and princesses alike. Chavonne baked some delicious pumpkin seeds and again, all was well in the Wright home.

All in all, this was one of the most wonderful weeks I've had in quite some time. I hope that whatever you choose to do this holiday, you enjoy the company of someone you love.

On Priorities

2009-10-23T10:33:00.002-04:00

This week wasn't especially stressful at work; I completed a near-record low of four Dollar Energy applications and only seventeen families (sixty-one individuals) through the food pantry, which itself was staffed by two volunteers! I also managed to successfully restore diplomatic relations between myself and a particularly difficult co-worker by defaulting to professional interactions with no discussion of private lives, which was surprisingly effective.

I also tried to vegetate at home during my downtime; after completing a paper for class due on Tuesday (which was also surprisingly simple to complete), I set out on a campaign to catch up on current episodes of Naruto, an anime so famous I need not detail it. I began the week twenty-nine twenty-three minute episodes behind and, at 1:30 a.m. this morning (shocking for a grandpa like myself), I am caught up. I'm grateful to have had the time to entertain myself this way as this show is still, 351 episodes later, one of the most amazing shows I've ever seen.

Sadly, although I purchased three new games, I didn't play even a second of anything. Alas Mario awaits in the gurgling bowels of Bowser yet another day.

You'll notice that I have yet to mention my Northstar in this post, Chavonne. As I prepared to write this post, I noticed that the majority of my stories spun revolve around the challenges of adulthood or the digital masterpieces I enjoy more so than the most important person in my world. Late Wednesday, Chavonne brought home a mantra, resting now on our freezer door, detailing our privileges and responsibilities as a couple.

On that particular night, I was far more interested in simply shutting down my consciousness after a rough day than engaging and I realize now just how much I take for granted my beloved. More than anything else, my most important gift and sanctuary is the kindness and love I receive from my wife and I do a poor job of making time for her when, God forbid, she may need to vent. I learned, then, that prioritizing Chavonne and her needs should take center stage and that, at least, I should blog about how great she is more often.

On that note, we're going to (attempt) to complete a corn maze in some corner of the world called Trax Farms this weekend; although we both like puzzles, this is really just going to be a nice opportunity to reconnect and share time together. Assuming, of course, we can find the place.

On the Circumvention of Walls and Other Barriers

2009-10-19T15:08:00.000-04:00

This week saw some of my most frustrating moments in my career, the entirety of which resulted from specific (backbiting, and overwhelmingly negative) coworkers. One rather ridiculous hiccup that occurred at work this week was the continued abuse of office equipment by clients; these included visits to adult websites as well as an obscenely long fifty-two minute long distance phone call to Los Angeles. Although it appears nowhere in my job description, apparently management of equipment and Internet usage is under my shared jurisdiction. Although a nuisance and an irritant, the disappointed expectations I have of specific coworkers were by far the most negative aspect of this work week and for the first time since I began working at Brashear, I didn't like my job, which is a worrisome development.

Last weekend - filled with formulaic romantic comedy, mild Chinese food, and misjudged apple green paint - seemed like a getaway compared to this most recent weekend. Friday evening, we enjoyed some head-scratching fashions and beautiful seams from Project Runway season two, and the next day the mousetrap-like box store Walmart enveloped us in deals and debt. We failed to reach Bridgeville, PA for a wedding reception for some good friends of ours after nearly two hours of navigating poorly in search of 279-South which I maintain does not exist outside the logic of Google Maps.

The NFL gratefully and ravenously accepted my remaining free time this weekend and all of a sudden, it's Monday once again. My obsessive crusade to better manage my time fell victim to my own defeated and exhausted needs for controlled and quiet interactions and as a result, I managed to waste far more hours in front of a flickering box than I care to admit. Chavonne, however, turned me onto a wonderful website (RealSimple.com) and my innate urge to organize and has been renewed once more; sadly, any activity on that front must wait until my homework is completed. This week, however, simply can't be as frustrating and defeating as the previous, in which I was pushed two steps back for every tentative and unsure stumble forward. However, it's said the measure of a man (or woman) is how they experience defeat and adversity; let's see what kind of man I am.

On Serenity, Now or Whenever

2009-10-09T08:21:00.000-04:00

This week, the phone continued to literally ring off the hook, clients continued to stream through the door, and intake forms, income documentation, and other paperwork continued to mount. Since October 1st, I calculate I’ve spoken to some fifty distinct families seeking assistance with an energy bill of some sort; some calls last far longer than others and some families I’ve spoken to more than once, so the total is even higher. In the midst of this, the food pantry continues at a pace of roughly twelve families a day and some forty-plus individuals and my self-sufficiency clients continue to need help; it’s enough stress to drown in.

However, this year I’ve been trying something a little different. Instead of taxing my well-honed multitasking skills by juggling calls, bags of food, resources, and intakes, I’m doing my best to finish the task at hand until moving onto something else. Often this means letting the phone continue its insistent call and typing away obliviously and sometimes I’ve broken down and answered a call during an appointment, but for the most part, it’s working. I’m usually exhausted by the end of the day, but I’m not angry or bitter or feeling harried as I was last year. It’s a modest victory, but I’ll take it.

Chavonne and I are doing wonderfully, when we’re able to see one another, anyway. We watched The Office last night and saw Jim and Pam get married, in a way perfectly suited to them; it reminded us of our own wedding in more ways than one, and it was a wonderful moment to remember how lucky we really are to be with someone we don’t just tolerate or enjoy but truly and deeply love.

We’re planning this weekend a number of semi-social activities (Lulu’s Noodles with Lara!, Couples’ Retreat!, painting for the first time ever!, Project Runway!) and it’s always a welcome and needed respite from the unceasing need out there. Winter’s coming, inevitably, and the problems clients are facing are going to get worse before they improve; but I can’t advocate on their behalf worth a damn unless I can maintain some serenity.

On Furious, Swift Change

2009-10-05T07:54:00.000-04:00

This week marked the beginning of the Dollar Energy season, far and away the busiest season of my work year. In a single day, I received seventeen phone calls from families looking for help with their energy bills and saw many of those same clients on Friday throughout the day. Because the federal energy assistance programs will not open until December 1st, we have been inundated with calls and only expect things to get worse in that regard. On the bright side, I'm not searching for things to do throughout the day.

This year, I'm planning to conduct my work differently than last year; instead of juggling phone calls and tasks, I'm working to complete one piece of business before moving onto the next. This way, ideally, I'll be able to finish the expanded reporting responsibilities associated with each application and not generate a backlog of work for myself. We'll see how it works in practice.

Chavonne and I are spending much less time with one another this month on account of her changed schedule; she's now working on Sundays from 8a-4p with a day off on Wednesday. She nearly cried when she got that news and as a result, we tried to make Saturday a completely enjoyable day. We visited Vincent's Pizza on Ardmore Boulevard which is a legendary parlor in Pittsburgh; we found the restaurant to be intolerably filthy (Chavonne had chunks of food floating in her ice, for instance) and the pizza itself rested in a pool of grease and did not maintain its taste after the first slice. Disappointed, we eventually made our way to Lowe's so we could take the plunge into painting, buying our supplies and paints (Ultra White for the walls, and Apple Green for the trim) helped out by a Quentin Tarantino lookalike. We're planning to do the work incrementally over the next several weekends to convert the former children's bedroom to a walk-in closet. Stay tuned for how that turns out!

This weekend, sadly, wasn't enough time for me to feel rested and recuperated, but I'm hoping that I'll still be able to stay focused and effective over the next several days. Good luck this week!

On Everything and Nothing

2009-09-25T15:45:00.000-04:00

In anticipation of this post, I've stared at the intimidating text box of the blogger website for more than a few minutes. I found myself paralyzed with the prospect and unspoken challenge to say something meaningful, insightful, important. Blogs, websites, news, and musings are an investment in precious hours that won't ever return and the onus then falls to the author to ensure that those who sacrificed their time and effort to entertain another's thoughts are adequately rewarded.

This, sadly, won't be such a post.

This week, I found myself actively distancing myself from sources of conflict and negativity. One aspect of my character I've long wrestled with is my tendency to shy away from conflict. We all bear certain crosses and mine, if may be so called, was a childhood full of such incessant and destructive arguments; as an adult, I've resolved never to be involved in such fights (a) if I can avoid it and, (b) unless somehow directly relevant to me. Some coworkers, whom I won't name, thrive on dissecting and enumerating the reasons why their jobs are absolutely miserable and how they actively debate finding other means of employment. I, on the other hand, am not so cynical to believe this. Nonetheless, I find myself struggling to balance polite refusal to encourage such oppressive negativity and my own personal needs for optimism in a small staff. It's an ongoing struggle that will, unfortunately, only get worse as the agency moves into the stressful and hectic energy assistance season next week.

Chavonne and I are continuing to refine and clean up our relationship, treating it like a delicate artifact that requires patience, care, and tenderness. We're working on becoming even better friends, sharing common interests (including besting the world-eater Galactus yesterday evening), and exploring new interests (like our long-forgotten quest for the perfect pizza in Pittsburgh). These, of course, are similarly never-ending endeavors and challenges that I can only hope we'll one day be the equal of.

As always, I intend to retain my optimism, my sense of justice, and abiding love for family and friends as sword and shield in the trenches of daily life against the challenges advocacy and the minutiae of daily defeats.

On the Calm Before the Storm

2009-09-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

This past week ramped up in activity preceptibly. One of my clients saw success in finding work in telemarketing, and he was deeply proud of himself, as I was too. I also had an opportunity to canvass the Allentown neighborhood to raise awareness of the Hilltop Alliance's forthcoming community forums, which are raised at generating dialogue about local issues and broaching the discussion of potential solutions. The pantry wasn't especially busy, serving eighteen families that translated to a total of fifty-one individuals. Those numbers should dramatically increase by Thursday as Brashear has agreed to serve as an emergency pantry for clients who patronize agencies closed as a result of the impending G20 conference. Brashear board members and staff also got involved in a strategic planning retreat over the weekend to discuss the direction, philosophy, and future of the agency. Although it was a long experience on a beautiful summer day, it was constructive and very positive.

On Friday night, Raji and I experienced our first Pittsburgh Pirates game through their "All You Can Eat" Seats promotion; we mostly fasted and resisted eating all day in order to maximize our performance at the game and I, rather disgustingly in retrospect, put away five hot dogs, three boxes of popcorn, five Pepsis, a burger, a half bad of peanuts, and an ice cream sandwich. PNC Park was absolutely beautiful and surprisingly engaging and intimate; Raji and I sat directly behind the right field foul pole where we witnessed the end of the pierogi race, the heartbreak of a budding ultimate fan as he failed to catch a foul ball (stolen by an adult, who in turn gave it to an elderly woman), and heard the cowbells and catcalls of devoted and cynical fans. In fact, the Pirates managed to win that evening convincingly 5-1.

Chavonne and I experienced our first week apart from one another in a sense. Since she has transitioned to her new position in shelter advocacy, she awakes an hour earlier than I and leaves work an hour before, compounding the lack of face time we experience due to school and internship. However, this weekend we tried to combine our sense of responsibility around the house and our need for companionship by doing nearly all we could together, including cleaning out sink drains in the bathroom (which had not been cleaned since before we moved in, judging by the color and length of the hair we found!), combing our house for important documents, taking in the cinema ("Meet the Robinsons," creepy at times and fairly adult, but still worth seeing), and saving the world.

Finally, football season has begun in earnest and the Dallas Cowboys opened their season in style last night at the most lavish and overwhelming structures ever seen; however, Tony Romo sadly forgot to show up for the game, horrible for my IRL football heart yet rousing for my fantasy team, the 2-0 Scarlet Pimpernels.

On the Steady Descent into Darkness...

2009-09-11T10:46:00.000-04:00

The low this morning in Pittsburgh was fifty-two degrees. Calls for Dollar Energy are ramping up, as are visitors to the food pantry. Chavonne and I are seeing less and less of each other and my beloved debating wearing a sweater this morning. Yes, autumn, and all that it portends, is nearly upon us.

This week at work, the trend of quiet anxiety continued. I saw only a handful of clients, who seem to encounter as their biggest barrier intake processes at the Department of Public Welfare. The food pantry again ran out of food this week, necessitating clients to make a return trip on Thursday; however, we only managed to serve sixteen families this entire week, which I can't remember a time we've served fewer people. Predicting how many people will utilize our pantry in a day is akin to anticipating jazz rhythms for the very first time, but it's a relief to see that our wares aren't being stretched too far this week.

After the rather pleasant fundraiser at Joseph-Beth Booksellers last weekend (again, many thanks to the staff of JB for promoting our Holiday Assistance Program), I'm anxiously awaiting our staff retreat next week. The Board intelligently decided to dissect our service provision, staff structure, and agency mission through a series of focus groups, culminating in this retreat next weekend (inconveniently, a day after I've scheduled to take off to attend my first Pirates game and my second MLB game, lifetime). This should be a good opportunity to honestly and effectively confront how we do business and how we can improve ourselves and our service to our clients, although I'd much prefer not to sacrifice a Saturday to do it.

School continues, much as it has for these nigh two decades. My class isn't particularly difficult (in fact, I've already completed the reading for next week, five days early!), but it continues to feel like I'm biding time until I can really start my career and start reaping some of the benefits adulthood in earnest.

Patterns in my gaming as of late have become erratic and unpredictable. In the past week, I'm dipped my toes into Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, and came this close to buying the XBLA version of Phantasy Star II. Despite my claims to the contrary, I seem to be emphatically not playing Dragon Quest IV nor any handheld game. Although I don't have a project that I'm currently working on other than mopping up achievement points that have strayed from my grasp, I'm okay with that for the moment. As most of the games I've been anxious to play have nervously bowed out of the holiday spotlight frantically seeking the relative anonymity of 2010 (FFXIII, Arc Rise Fantasia), I've taken another, closer look at my existing collection of games and have begun to work to wring entertainment from even its depths. However, that being said, Bowser's Inside Story will almost assuredly be purchased within the next week.

Chavonne and I and our life together is continuing to be like an elegant symphony. We've continued to be attentive, interested, and good-natured partners to one another and have had several simple and lovely moments together this week. We've recommitted ourselves to spending more time with one another, especially as she will soon be transitioning into a new position where she will report for work at 8a, an hour earlier than myself. We started a maddeningly complex 1,000-piece puzzle this week, had a couple of cooked-with-love meals, worked to save the world from Dr. Doom, and watched in stunned disbelief as Hines Ward was stripped of a game-winning touchdown. Especially on a day like today, we continue to acknowledge that our time together is precious.

On Awakening from a Fantasy

2009-09-04T10:31:00.000-04:00

This week has been mostly slow, as the rest of the summer. I met with only a couple of clients and didn't have a major project to occupy my time with. My clients are mostly stable and are working, or pursuing work, so there's not a whole lot to worry about in that regard. I did have a dream a couple nights ago about an energy assistance appointment, which is never a good thing. The food pantry has improved markedly because I have (finally) a wonderful new volunteer who is positive, competent, and reliable. It's been absolutely the best news I could have ever gotten, at least work-related news.

Chavonne and I are doing our best to enjoy one another's company, especially as school as begun again for both of us. My retread Diversity class looks relatively painless and although I'm frustrated to be not moving forward as quickly as I like academically, I'm also somewhat grateful for the relaxed schedule. I'm slated to graduate December of 2011, which sounds forever away. Next semester, I'm grappling with either taking multiple classes in order to catch up or immediately beginning another field placement, which is going to be horrible to negotiate with my wife, my supervisor, my time, my car, and my sanity, but should pay off in the long run. Stay tuned.

Other than a brief foray into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:Re-Shelled with Raji Thursday evening, I haven't gamed appreciably in over a week. DQIV hasn't yet become a compelling narrative, nor do I expect it to, really. Now that the weather has become more reasonable, I can also consider returning to the attic to play some console (Xbox 360) games; ether way, between school, the impending holiday rush, and the onset of bitter cold, my gaming production and my chances for realizing my new year's resolution of mastering twenty-five games seem more remote.

As the circle of life turns, however, and as my ability and passion for gaming wanes, my anticipation for football grows ever stronger. Last night, my fantasy football league had its draft and I'm cautiously optimistic about my chances this year. It's my fourth year participating and the finest performance I've ever mustered is fifth in a league of ten. This year, I drafted dead last and I have (in order):

Larry Fitzgerald
Drew Brees
Steve Slaton
Wes Welker
Steve Slaton
Pierre Thomas (a misclick due to timing out)
Percy Harvin
Chicago
Minnesota
Beanie Wells
Willie Parker
Derrick Mason
Josh Brown
Chad Pennington

During the draft, I was nervous and anxious constantly but in the cold light of day, I feel significantly better about my team. Hopefully I can parlay some explosive offense into at least a playoff appearance. I'm deeply saddened about not having any Cowboys on my roster, but this is, of course, fantasy. It says nothing of my real ardor for the team of my ancestral homeland.

Fall is upon us, of course, and that means more nights close to someone you love. Enjoy those last dying rays of sunlight before the streets are thick with slush.

The End...?

2009-08-28T07:57:00.000-04:00

As I sit and write this morning, the enormity of the date reverberates with me. September, and Pennsylvania autumn and winter, are nearly upon us. Thankfully, this very morning, two lovely gentleman from Titan Heating and Air are here to install our new furnace and air conditioner!

Last winter, we paid out the nose for our heating costs to the tune of $350+ every month! This winter, hopefully, we'll be able to keep those spiraling costs under control. There have been few hiccups so far and although it's still only 8:05a as I write this, hopefully that will be the case throughout the day.

Work was decent this week. I didn't see particularly many clients, and even the pantry was slower than usual. Despite this, I felt fairly bored and a little discouraged with the work. I can't exactly explain it, but I just chalk it up to an instance of not loving my job, as I normally do.

I did, however, get a chance to testify on the proposed changes to the state LIHEAP program. LIHEAP, in brief, is an enormous and nationwide energy assistance grant intended to help pay delinquent and high heating and electricity costs. Last year, it was open for nearly half the year and the proposal is to limit its availability to just three months. After reading my testimony, which had been heavily proofread and edited, I received the feedback that I was "smooth, like good whiskey," which I greatly enjoyed.

Honestly, there's not too much to update on this morning. As the brave souls continue their work downstairs, I'm likely to watch some mindless television or game. It's not a glorious way to end the summer before school starts next Tuesday, but it's fitting.

On the Week that Was

2009-08-21T10:33:00.000-04:00

This past week, like most of the summer, has been extraordinarily slow. Although some clients are trickling through the doors, it is nothing like the flood of service that I saw in my first year here at Brashear. I've completed all of the major projects I've been working on, including the enormous pantry roster, and the clients that I've been working with (at least those that I can contact) seem to be stable and thriving in work or have been connected to appropriate resources. So it's been a rather nice luxury to be able to ease into a day, experience some quiet at work and to quickly fulfill the limited responsibilities placed upon me. Summer may be rising in the ranks of my favorite seasons.

Taking advantage of my leisure time (my official summer lasts another week until school begins again), I've done some very light yard work, beaten a couple of DS games ("Mario & Luigi", "Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime"), and most importantly, spent some quality time with Chavonne. Homebodies that we are, we haven't spent as much time exploring Pittsburgh as we'd like, but I think that should soon change. This weekend, I'm planning to have Kairi (a.k.a. "Unknown to Science") groomed for the first time in her life! It should be worth quite a few laughs. Additionally, I'm planning on completing something on my list of New Year's resolutions and purchasing a high-quality camera and taking some obnoxiously artistic pictures! I haven't so much done anything to really deserve this, but I really want to and I think that's good enough for the moment. I've become extremely lax in posting pictures online (I still have pictures from our last vacation to Virginia), and I'd like to get back into it.

Finally, I believe we're going ahead and replacing our furnace and adding central cooling to our house, here at the tail-end of summer. The prospect of paying more $330+ heating bills again is a little too much to handle; if this major upgrade saves us roughly a third of our monthly bills and will dramatically increase the value of our home and decrease its carbon footprint (our current furnace is older than Chavonne and I combined)! Home ownership has many rewards, but also more than a few responsibilities but replacing this antique of a furnace is pretty much a no-brainer.

Well, that's pretty much it for the week. Hopefully this weekend will be fun and productive. I can't wait to see what new thing today has in store!

For Where Two or Three are Gathered Together in My Name, There I Am in the Midst of Them

2009-08-18T10:45:00.000-04:00

This past Thursday, Chavonne and I attended our first NFL game with Raji and Lara; Chavonne won four preseason tickets versus the Arizona Cardinals through a raffle at the Brashear Association's Christmas in July fundraiser, and when we first realized we (she) won, we were ecstatic.

The time before the game was quite adventurous, as we spent about forty-five minutes in traffic driving the stretch of a mile to gain access to the stadium. We saw throngs of people wearing jerseys celebrating the exploits of Hines Ward, Ben Roethlisberger, James Harrison, and others. We even saw a single brave soul wearing a Cardinals jersey!

Parking was reasonably expensive (thirty dollars for five hours), although we met a brusque and entertaining attendant justifiably critical of my ability to parallel park. After commenting on the rather spartan appearance of the newly opened Rivers Casino, we set out on the short walk to the stadium.

The security check, the sloping walk up the ramps, and the concession lines ($10.25 for a minuscule pizza and a medium soda) couldn't dampen the contagious enthusiasm that people have for the Steelers in this town. To first step out into the stadium proper is akin to entering a vast church. From our seats, we could see the Allegheny river, the scoreboard, dozens of cameras recording the game, and the hazy skyline of Pittsburgh.

Chavonne promptly began to freak out and all of us experienced an almost overwhelming sense of awe. Watching a game in person is a truly different experience from a game at home. Without commentary, NFL games are far quieter and more difficult to follow. Sitting in the stadium is an oddly intimate experience, where you can maintain a private conversation without too much difficulty and at the same time, fans share stats about the players, opinions about the coaching, and even opinion on world and domestic events. It's where, in fact, I first learned the hated Eagles signed the detestable Michael Vick to a contract.

Pittsburgh fandom is a unique thing unto itself. The game was an opportunity to scrutinize the running game and celebrate the recent world championship of the Steelers, but it also served an opportunity for families to bond (one father behind me taught the nuances of scoring and decision making on fourth down to a child unfamiliar with the game), and a way to invest real emotional currency into a shared symbol meaningful to generations of people.

Almost like a church service, this game was an opportunity to join a wave of emotion be it the frustration of an overthrown pass or the jubilation of a vicious sack. As technology and adult responsibilities fragment the time we're able to spend with our loved ones, it was a release to spend a few hours getting to know old friends, drawing closer to the love of my life, and chastising overpaid yet immensely talented athletes.

Hopefully my next NFL game I can see Tony Romo drag the Cowboys from their rut.

The Top Twenty Games of All Time, Concluded

2009-08-17T14:27:00.000-04:00

Digital masterpieces, these are the best games I've ever played.

10. Super Metroid - Exploring a planet hiding innumerable secrets beneath its surface, Super Metroid is a claustrophobic and haunting experience where the player nearly always feels outmatched and outnumbered. Weaponry is acquired gradually, expanding one's ability to explore and exterminate slowly. The game's acclaimed map system charts player progress as they visit the organically cohesive environments, accompanied by nothing but the minimalist, muted yet pulse-pounding score. Like the thrilling escape, this game will stay in your memory forever.

9. Kingdom Hearts - KH's sometimes incoherent story deals in intense and adult themes of abandonment, maturation, and relationships. Unlike a majority of the games on this list, it stands out not because of it's sweeping orchestral soundtrack, well developed battle system, inspired crossover between the Final Fantasy and Disney universes, or its lush and beautiful graphics. Instead, one is expected to identify with Sora as he grows from a modest boy to an accomplished hero and learns a few things about the adult world in the process.

8. EarthBound - Truth be told, EarthBound isn't the best game on this list by a long shot. Its turn-based battle system was archaic even by the standards of its time and its graphics, while charming, are unsophisticated and reminiscent of a child's art. However, EarthBound is an example of a game becoming something more than the sum of its parts. It features catchy and stirring musical themes and again features a boy aspiring to become someone more than his upbringing allows; the protagonist Ness develops lasting relationships with a variety of complex characters, each with their own crosses to bear. With its fourth-wall breaking humor, its manipulation of genre stereotypes (common weapons are yo-yos, baseball bats, and the like) and surprisingly epic scale, EarthBound is the dark horse of the list.

7. Super Mario Galaxy - Galaxy finally evolves the Mario series and the platformer in general with inventive and stunning level design that twists, inverts, and rotates the player and conventions in general. Utilizing gravity as the central theme, Galaxy tasks players with exploring dozens of planets, asteroids, and comets in a quest to collect stars once again. Light on combat, Galaxy is robustly designed and will test players' intuition and intelligence yet is so well implemented that never once do you feel cheated. Featuring a surprisingly mature storyline, it stands as the finest game available for the Nintendo Wii, showcasing what attention to design and presentation can create.

6. Final Fantasy VII - What more can be written about FFVII? It ushered in an era of cinematic scale and depth in RPGs, for better worse; it featured one of the most complex and sophisticated character evolution schemes yet seen on a console system, innovated the way graphics and music are integrated into games and gave us one of the most malevolent villains in series history. Playing FFVII is an investment in time and might very well leave you with many questions regarding its overwrought storyline and its imbalanced character development, but witness the fate of Aeris and see if you don't remember this game forever.

5. Secret of Mana - SoM's defining feature is its score. Although the graphics were (and remain) beautiful, it simply can't stand up against the soundtrack. No game I've ever played before or since has balanced the light natural themes of woodwinds and strings with the violent percussion and force of most RPGs. It helps to ingratiate the game into the player's consciousness through its light-hearted and reverent themes early in the game and pulls the rug out from underneath them later on as the tone and story becomes more urgent and the stakes are raised. It single-handedly retrieves the game from the broadly drawn characters and fun, though simple multiplayer-enabled combat.

4. Final Fantasy X - I only played this game last year for the first time and I was almost angry at myself that I had denied myself myself this joy for so long. FFX upends every convention in the series: the bombastic brass instruments are exchanged for flowing woodwinds that lighten the tone of the game and flow like the water that thematically resonates throughout the game; the battle system requires understanding of each character's specialized abilities (Wakka is almost required to attack lithe flying creatures while Auron can pierce even the most well-armored enemies); the presentation of the series, and gaming in general found a new watershed in FFX, whose characters spoke extensively and who appeared almost identically to living people. In every respect, FFX is a journey that transforms both the characters and the player.

3. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past - I've never played and beaten another game more than this one, which absolutely perfected the Zelda formula. ALttP innovated the series by adding several series mainstays, including the Master Sword and the hookshot, and continued the tradition of excellent level design with their complex yet logically designed dungeons. In addition, the addition of a dark world, similar and distinct from the light world, expanded the design and packed in more enemies, more secrets to uncover, and the most dungeons found in a single game. Even the vaunted Ocarina of Time doesn't match the level design, the cohesion, nor the sheer joy of A Link to the Past.

2. Final Fantasy VI - FFVI features the largest cast in the series, yet nearly every character is provided a backstory, a cross to bear, and a moment of redemption. Each distinct character possesses unique abilities in battle based on the famed Job system and characters can be further individuated through judicious usage of Espers, magical familiars that give stat bonuses. Released in 1994, FFVI set a new standard for graphical and audio presentation and the quality of the soundtrack in particular stands over time. Perhaps the last of the traditional Final Fantasy series, FFVI is not to be missed, especially to bear witness to the most deranged and memorable villain SquareEnix has yet produced.

1. Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King - DQVIII is truly a living, breathing world on a disc. Its immense and sprawling world contains hundreds of hours of gameplay and truly reproduces a sense of awe to the player. The first time you step to the top of a hill and look down across flatlands, the first visit to the ruined Trodain castle, the first time you learn how Yangus and your hero meet. Gaming isn't about well-executed battles or crystal clear graphics that blur the lines between fantasy or reality. They're about memories, like the way you felt dying after a grueling battle, or when you first understood the scale of the plot. DQVIII is full of beautiful, understated, and subtle moments that will stay with the player for as long as they love gaming.

"Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time" Reviewed

2009-08-17T10:35:00.000-04:00

"Mario and Luigi" takes many of the elements that made its predecessor a surprise hit and expands on them with more areas to explore, more heroes to control, but loses much of the charm and pleasure in the process.

Presentation and Gameplay

"Mario and Luigi" starts with Princess Peach traveling through time to visit the Mushroom Kingdom of the past and, predictably, being abducted. Instead of Bowser, however, a new threat arises from the villainous Shroob aliens, who are attempting to take over the world. Mario and Luigi are joined by their infant counterparts. Like "Superstar Saga," the face buttons of the DS control each individual player and the unique team-up moves help the player access new areas and combine strengths in battle. Enemies, which can be counterattacked and avoided through well-timed button strikes, will often fly to the upper screen of the DS during their attacks and must be carefully scrutinized.

Surprisingly, the DS iteration looks only slightly cleaner and more polished than the GBA version and with a single (spoiler-ish) exception, doesn't utilize the technology of the DS at all. More disappointing, the storyline, which relies heavily on time-travel, doesn't allow the player to explore the past and present versions of any of the areas in the game, except the main castle which serves as a hub world; the opportunity lost to see past and present versions of notable Nintendo characters or to explore transformed areas hangs over the proceedings.

Music and Graphics

Battles are an exercise in memorization, timing, and sometimes luck.

A rarity, the music in "Mario and Luigi," written by the legendary Koji Kondo, is absolutely forgettable. Even now, twelve hours after putting the game to bed, I can't remember a single theme but I can readily recall several from "Superstar Saga." While playing, no single theme stood out as being incongruent or dissonant with the environments, but to proclaim a Kondo soundtrack as being forgettable is a rather high insult. Craig Harris of IGN wrote that "Mario and Luigi intentionally speak gibberish, but it works well with the story. The game's soundtrack fits the Marioesque theme with original pieces and remixed classics." Although that's all true, it again merely echoes the previous games in the series and relies more than typical on nostalgia.

Like the music, the graphics, as noted above, don't do anything to expand on the horsepower of the GBA iteration, content to simply polish a few rough edges and import much of the sprite design and palatte of the original. The failure to incorporate any of the technological prowress of the DS feels like another missed opportunity.

Conclusions

Expanding a valued property such as the "Mario and Luigi" series on Nintendo DS that historically incorporates ingenious combination attacks and light RPG trappings was, and is, a no-brainer. Although even the worst Nintendo games are often light-years ahead of the competition, "Partners in Time" doesn't do quite enough to expand on the existing formula to make it a must-play although it's a cute, and enjoyable weekend for anyone looking for a good game.

The Top Twenty Games of All Time, Part One

2009-07-26T14:40:00.000-04:00

Put simply, no one can write an effective, inarguable, or accurate top twenty list of video games; the same game that inspires and moves one person may be irrelevant to another. That being said, these are probably the twenty best games I've ever played. Look for the top ten in an update later this week.

20. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker - For the second time in this series, Nintendo opted to completely redesign the way that players interact with the world of Hyrule; of course much has already been said regarding the inventive and controversial graphical style, but this iteration also takes place among a collection of islands, rather than the immensely scaled plains and valleys of Hyrule proper. The result is an intriguing and less linear experience.

19. The Legend of Zelda - The original that introduced players to quests of immense scope and helped to transform the way gamers strategically approached the world; persistence, careful planning, and methodical exploration replaced quick-draw reflexes and ushered in a new era of gaming.

18. GoldenEye 007 - The first FPS that allowed for multiple play styles, rewarding both the precise and stealthy veteran of the genre and the impulsive gung-ho warrior. It's also notable for redesigning level objectives based on difficulty, sometimes forcing gamers to completely reconsider their approach.

17. Tetris - The ultimate Trojan horse, with respect to the originator of that term. Likely anyone who owns a phone, a computer, or a television hasn't heard of this game. It single-handedly ingratiated the original Game Boy into millions of homes across the world and inarguably helped keep Nintendo afloat during the lean mid-to-late 1990's. Suited for bus rides, competitive co-op play, marathon sessions, and basically anywhere at anytime.

16. Final Fantasy VIII - FFVIII, unlike most other entries in the series, doesn't assemble it's constituent parts into a complete whole. It combines an adult visual style with remarkably advanced graphics from its time; the same orchestrally complex and inventive score as gamers are accustomed to from the series; easily some of the most challenging and creative sidequests ever encountered in any game; and a flat and uninteresting storyline that juggles flashbacks, romance, and intrigue to ill effect. To say nothing of the sometimes tedious Draw system, FFVIII is the black sheep of the family, but still well worth playing.

15. Metal Gear Solid - Again reimagining the ways that players interact with the world around them, MGS insisted on the stealth approach wherein one carefully conserves resources, avoids combat, and moves as quickly as possible to achieve objective; this approach is, of course, consistent with how one would act in reality. MGS challenges gamers to think outside their homes on the reality of war, the lengths to which one will go for country and revenge, and, ultimately, the instability of the world in which we live.

14. Chrono Trigger - One of the highest regarded JRPGs ever created, CT raised the bar immensely with its detailed and breathtaking graphics, soaring musical themes from a variety of timelines, and inventive implementation of combination attacks that compound magic and physical strikes that ever since, hasn't been matched. One of the most magnificent compositions ever to come out of then-SquareSoft.

13. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - The most effective update and reimagining of a series into 3D ever seen. OoT brings the series's famously sophisticated level design and integration of dungeon and overworld into a more complex, more beautiful, and more engrossing world than many gamers had ever seen before. More adult in its themes and sill minimalist in its storytelling, OoT allows for an experience unlike any other.

12. Mega Man 2 - MM2 features one of the best soundtracks ever made, which is still heavily and frequently remixed by fans. It also perfected the formula for Mega Man games: unique levels with merciless difficulty and creative powerups. It simply challenges gamers with unique bosses and devilish enemies and levels that require quick reactions, judicious platforming, and many, many rehearsals.

11. Super Mario Brothers 3 - Perfecting the level design formula that slowly allows gamers to practice the mechanics necessary for success, SMB3 simply compounds the difficulty, number of levels, and techniques to master with more suits, more enemies, and various paths to success by allowing the player to essentially pick and choose their path through the world.

Wiped...

2009-07-24T22:02:00.000-04:00

It's been a long, long, long week. Every single day this week, I've gotten up early for some reason or another, from taking a client to a outpatient class for the first time, to arriving early to carpool to a meeting downtown, to a training regarding dissociative disorders in children, the pillow and I haven't spent many hours together this week.

Aside from sleeplessness, though, life has been pretty good for the most part. The actual mechanics and responsibilities of work have been great; my clients seem to be thriving in their various ways and the great project of cataloging clients receiving service for the past seven years is progressing slowly, but steadily.

School is also slowing grinding to a conclusion. Over the next two weeks, I still somehow have three papers totaling twenty-four pages, but it shouldn't be a problem to get them done.

Black Sigil, sadly, seems to be garbage. I can't really classify this as shovelware as it's been in development in one form or another for nearly a decade. It's a glitchy, slow-paced, poorly written, joyless mess of a game. I can't wait to finish it.

Chavonne and I just came back from a wonderful, but gastrointestinally torturous evening at Don Pablo's. It's wonderful to still be able to talk about so much so easily after so many years together. We're so lucky.

The Dog Days

2009-07-17T09:46:00.000-04:00

This summer it Pittsburgh has been unlike any I've ever experienced anywhere. The heat has been relatively mild and even in a three-story home where I spend an average of two-to-three hours a night in my game room in a broiling attic, it's reasonably comfortable. It's this season specifically I left Texas to escape; indeed, it's hard to feel nostalgic towards a place where you spent your first (and last) 114-degree summer afternoon.

Despite the mild weather, however, I still haven't managed to get out of the house and do anything social nearly as much as I'd like. Chavonne and I have taken an occasional walk through the gorgeous Frick Park trails and made more than a few forays into our local theatres to see "Up," "Star Trek," and "Bruno" there's still an immense amount of cultural activities we've not taken any part in.

Although I'm greatly enjoying "Phantasy Star," part of being an adult is being able to balance the time spent in work, play, and enrichment. Because school is only a tantalizing three weeks away from conclusion, now's the time to see a ballgame, go swimming, visit a museum, and so on.

All my life, I've struggled making connections with people; partially, this was because I was sheltered against my will by my overprotective parent, but soon enough, I enjoyed exploring my imagination supplemented through books and video games. I'm twenty-five years old now and my life is 1/4 finished. It's time to bust myself out of my anti-social rut and try new things.

Back in the Saddle

2009-07-10T10:54:00.001-04:00

After a long absence, I've decided to get back to blogging under a new title and with a new and even more positive attitude. All my life long, I've been a fairly positive person but I think that my life is so under control and positive that my current perspective eclipses all the sunshine and happiness I've felt before; like candlelight to sunlight, it simply cannot be compared.

I've been thinking a lot about my work life lately, appropriate since it comprises by far the largest proportion of my waking time. I've made enormous strides as of late in both my interactions with my clients, my overall capacities to complete the work placed before me and (I hope) my presence and standing within the community. From my work with my clients and in advocating with on their behalf, I've come to genuinely care about doing a good job as a case manager.

The position that I work asks a number of responsibilities from building maintenance to, apparently, tech support; but it boils down to ensuring that I myself am able to stay connected to and apprised of changing resources that clients may need to access and developing a relationship with clients wherein we cooperatively work to solve problems they are facing as well as establish patterns and decisions to make a better life for themselves.

When I first accepted this job, I was excited about the opportunity to make a difference for people, but I didn't much know how. Now, I've been able to network resources, navigate labyrinthine bureaucracies, and generally get things done. I don't say it enough, but I'm fairly proud of myself.

Chavonne and I are getting along wonderfully. We're so supportive and gently challenging of one another and genuinely enjoy spending time together that the conflicts we have seem to be from external forces; we're an axis of love, as it were.

Our house is a creaky dream; it needs and deserves a good deal more TLC than it's gotten from me (especially our back yard), but I'm in love with it and with being a homeowner.

School is progressing well, despite the enormous drain on our time and mental energy at the end of the day. It's a sobering and difficult prospect that Chavonne and I won't be able to spend, say, Tuesday evenings together until 2012 at the earliest, but for the opportunity to improving our earning potential and better afford our house and (gulp) student loans, it's well worth the text messages and love notes scrawled on bulletin boards.

Even gaming is going well! One my new year's resolutions was to master twenty-five games, roughly 10% of my overall collection and I'm 40% towards that goal to date! I'm currently playing the RPG classic Phantasy Star; as a wide-eyed gamer who owned Nintendo systems exclusively, I missed out on this so-far brutal and punishing game, so I'm making up for lost time.

You might say that most people resolve to, you know, lose weight or learn piano or something like that. I'm also resolving to read more, lose thirty-three pounds, take up a new hobby, and spend more time with my heart. Halfway into 2009, things could not be going better.